I’ve had a bit of a block lately. It’s made me complacent in writing. I used the convenient excuse that I am in a class that expects an immense output of written words each week, so to do that and put the expectation upon myself to churn out an additional blog piece was just too much.
Bullshit… that’s a lie. I didn’t even try to do both. I conveniently set aside this outlet in order to feel sorry for myself and appear busier than I really am.
In fact, I will often fill up my schedule with less productive or soul cleansing things in order to fill a void or procrastinate on some responsibility.
I set out to write an entry this evening, and to get out of my writer’s block I looked up “blog prompts”. One in particular jumped out at me, “What did you learn today”. I love it, because today I did learn new things.
I am in the process of learning my size. Funny, right? Did you know I’m not the center of the universe? Did you realize you aren’t either? Do you have any idea how minute of a proportion we really are in the entire scheme of existence? Now, I have a friend that has been trying to explain this to me, but sometimes we just can’t learn something until we are truly ready to learn it… and today I was ready to learn it.
Now, we live on a planet with billions of people on it, so it’s easy to come to terms with the fact that in the scheme of the planet, we are insignificant… but truth be told, when I started looking at the whole truth, I realized that I was just a small piece of the puzzle at my employment, too! Sure, I may think I am someone pretty amazing and awesome and damn important… but I am 1 of 1400 employees… and if I left tomorrow I would be replaced… I am not that special!
I’m not saying this sarcastically or as a “poor me” set up… It’s just the facts. I can (and should) set out and do the best I can, but I am replaceable. Which is good. That’s the design of life! In a way it’s a stress relief. Weird, right? I’m not fully certain why I feel relief by that thought.
I am just grateful I am at this point and can see my pattern. Life will be better and those around me will enjoy the calm.