Day 3 of the frenzy… what kind of chaos are we living in? I walk into the stores and the shelves are a barren wasteland. The lines at the gas stations are beginning to look like this from the 1970’s gas rationing days. I can’t help but wonder why? Should I be concerned? Am I under-reacting? Over reacting? Sometimes I just don’t know.
I realize that I need to continue to have faith… that no matter what happens, all will be okay. It’s an ironic thought because it hits me in so many areas of my life. So I think about the panic. The mass purchasing. It’s about control. I can’t control the media portrayal of this virus and I can’t control the spread of it, so I control how I prepare for it. And so many people react by stockpiling. Toilet paper, water, canned goods, medicines… preparing for the Armageddon they fear is coming.
In reality they are manifesting this Armageddon because they are becoming a prisoner of the fear. Soon they will be a prisoner in their home.
What is it that I am in fear of and manifesting? Holding on so tightly to situations and to people that I try to control outcomes and instead of making happily ever afters I prepare for my own natural disasters. I see the train wreck happening yet I can’t seem to get out of my own way.
So here I am… picking up the shovel to dig deeper. It’s a trap… I’m slowly starting to see that. I don’t really need to dig deeper, I need to bind it all up and let it fly away in a magical balloon. To let go will give me the ultimate freedom. To trust that I don’t need to know more… that is true freedom. Yet I struggle with allowing myself to give in to that.
I feel the tension in myself. For myself and towards myself. It’s a frightening feeling. I want to find the joy. To release it and be free. To know me is to love me… but first I need to find me.